The Inn
by Aki Iokua
Summary: The NWC is invited to a luxary inn. Is the offer too good to be true? First attempt at a crack fic. Just so you know, I think I was insane when I thought of this. Just a warning.


I claim no ownership over anything regarding Ranma ½

I claim no ownership over anything regarding Ranma ½. Takahashi-sama is the one who has that honor. Just to let you know, this is my first try at a "crack" fic. This baby is the result of me going insane while trying to bash out a paper that my graduating depends on. While skimming the Internet, I stumbled upon a curious site, called Mashiro's castle. There I found a short story called Training camp. After reading it, my snapped mind concocted this. Enjoy. 

The Inn

"And could someone explain, _why_, we're doing this again?" Akane grumbled as she gazed up at the inn they were supposed to be staying at. The tall wooden building was set right into the mountains, surrounded with trees ripe with the bloom of spring. While she normally wouldn't have complained, and would have even jumped at the chance to spend a pre-paid four-day, three night stay at a hot springs inn like this, this trip had…attachments.

"We're doing it because it's free." Nabiki said as she glanced at the directions on the back of the flyer. "With the bill left over from the wedding, we never could have afforded something like this. And, quite frankly, I feel the need to unwind."

"Who do you think caused most of the destruction?" Akane muttered, glancing over her shoulder as she did so and scowled. There was no denying that _they_ were coming along. The Tendos (with the addition of the Saotomes) were not the only ones to receive the inn gift package. As it turned out, most of the NWC had been invited. Ukyo and Konatsu, Mousse and Shampoo, Ryoga (how the people at the inn had ever delivered the letter to him, Akane would never know), Kuno (Kodachi was currently touring the country with her team), and Gosunkugi, oddly enough, had all been recipients of the luxurious first prize. And so, they all found themselves together, heading towards the inn.

"Shampoo too, too happy to be going to hot springs with Airen!" The Amazon cooed happily as she clung to Ranma's arm, oblivious to his attempts to get out of her grip.

"Get offa him! When are you going to get it through your thick head that Ranchan's my fiancé?!" Ukyo shouted angrily as she grabbed Ranma's other arm and started pulling, oblivious to Ranma's shouts.

"Humph! Spatula girl no need Airen. Already have girly boy. Arien need woman, not a girl who wear pants. Perhaps Spatula girl wear to hid spatula?" Shampoo said smugly as she sneered at the chef.

"WHAT. DID. YOU. JUST. SAY?" Ukyo ground out through clenched teeth as she reached for her giant spatula. "Are you, did you just say that…? YOU EFFING BITCH!"

"Whether Spatula man or woman, Shampoo no lose!" The lavender girl declared as she leapt back and brandished her chui.

Turning her back on the scene, Akane merely sighed and continued towards the inn.

_You want to unwind Sis? Good luck._ Akane thought, sardonically.

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What?! Are you freakin senile?!" Ukyo cried. "There's no way in Hell I'll share a room with this, this Bimbo!"

"That right! Shampoo no want to spend night with ugly women! Want to spend night cuddling with Airen." Shampoo said, putting on her best puppydog face.

"I'm, I'm sorry miss, but those _are_, the regulations." The clerk said hesitantly. "I'm afraid that I can't do anything about it."

Looking sullen, both suitors stomped off before each arriving at the same conclusion.

"Ohhhh Ranchannnn/Airennnnn." They both called. Any Ranma, even if it was female, was better than nothing.

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(several hours later)

"Argh! Why does that Saotome have to ruin everything!" Mousse cried as he stomped into the room provided for the men. Taking a moment to compose himself, he threw himself on his bed. Just once, just once, he wished that he could be able to reach out to his beloved Shampoo! When he had gotten the letter, and he had been able to find his glasses to read the damn thing, he was ecstatic. Here it was! The chance for Shampoo and him to consummate their love in the steamy heat of the hot springs. But then, that cretin Saotome had to come.

"Why?" Mousse muttered. "Why does she want him? Why did she choose a girl-boy?!"

"Oh here you're Mousse."

At the sound of another's voice, Mousse looked up to see Ryoga. Judging from the bottle in his hands, and the slight flush on the Lost Boy's face, not to mention the obvious slur in his speech, he had obviously been drinking.

"That stuff'll hurt your performance." Mousse said critically. "Besides, I didn't know you drank."

"Whaat? Ah can' drink when Ah want to?" Ryoga slurred as he plopped down besides the blind Amazon. "Camon, drink wit me."

"Humph. Fine, I guess I'll take a glass. God knows I need it." Mousse said, taking the offered cup.

For a while, the two of them just sat in silence, drinking.

"Hurts, right?" Ryoga said eventually. " 's all that damn Saotomes fault. Takin' all the girls. Guy's like us, we don' even have a chance."

"Humph. Evey day it's all'ays 'Airen' this or 'Airen' that. Why? Why Shampoo?" Mousse cried, slopping his drink as he did so.

"I know how you two feel." Konatsu said glumly as he stepped out of the shadows and helped himself to some of their sake. "I love Ukyo-sama, but, but…"

"Heh. Hah hah hah hah!" Ryoga suddenly burst out laughing and clapped a hand to the kunoichi's shoulder. "Your'n good company! Ah hah hah hah! Have a drink!"

And so it continued as the male members of the NWC gathered, growing noisier and noisier. Before the room fell into darkness as the drunken martial artists burned out, the last thing that could be heard was "DAMN YOU SAOTOME!"

("Achoo!" Sniffling, Ranma looked around the roof, before turning over, muttering about loony fiancés and idiot rivals.)

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Slowly, carefully, the door to the men's room slid open. Two small, giggling shadows snuck into the room, sliding the door shut behind them. As they stared at the snoring boys, a stray beam of light revealed their features, a boy with black hair and green eyes, and a girl with silver hair and blue eyes. Looking around the room, they broke into quiet giggles again.

"Hey, hey. Did you hear what they were saying earlier, Aki-chan?" The girl whispered. "They said they wanted to get closer to the girls they loved. Isn't that sweet?"

"You want me to help them Shi-chan?" The boy, Aki, whispered back, smiling at the Shi's enthusiastic nod. Stepping carefully the pair made their way to the slumbering Kuno.

"Well?" Shi asked expectantly as she lifted the blanket from his sleeping form.

"Just watch." Aki said grinning.

Suddenly Kuno's chest began to bulge and grow round, pushing his kimono out. Along with that, his butt began to grow and curve, providing a nice complement to his now thinning waist. His hair began to turn blond and grow until it was level with his butt, twisting into two tight braids as it did so. The chances with his, now her, body complete, her kimono was the next target. Wriggling, the entire thing turned a bright shade of red and began to shrink, hugging the new-found curves of its wearer's body. The bottoms shrank and twisted together until it was nothing more than a mini-skirt, the top a form-fitting T-shirt with a diamond cut out on the chest, revealing the new girl's respectable cleavage. The boken that was never far from his side shimmered and turned into a pom-pom.

"A cheerleader! A cheerleader!" Shi whispered, clapping happily.

"What next?" Aki asked, smiling at the girl's obvious glee.

"Ummmmm, oh! A shrine maiden! Do a shrine maiden next!"

"Very well. Since you insist."

Snorting in his sleep, Gosunkugi never noticed as his hair began to soften and grow, with two braids separating to hang on either side of his face. Just as Kuno before him, his body began to grow softer, more womanly, his facing losing the pale, goth look that had earned him the title of Voodoo spike. Her kimono began to grow, stopping when her feet were hidden by the now red skirt and her now soft, womanly hands were barely visable in the oversized white sleeves.

"Hey, Aki-chan! Are you sure this a guy?" Shi asked as she pointed at the sleeping kunoichi.

"Only one way to find out." Aki said cheerfully. "Anything you want to see?"

"Mmmmmm, a blazer!"

"Okay!"

Konatsu, being so femine already, didn't need much, merely her hourglass figure being developed. Smaller and thinner than Kuno, Konatsu's new build echoed that of a gymnist. Her kimono already wavering, it shrank into a blue mini-skirt and a white T-shirt, covered with a brown vest.

"See, she was a guy after all." Aki said triumphantly.

"Oo, oo! This guy! Do this guy next!" Shi said, pointing at Mousse.

"Okay. What do you want to see?" Aki asked as he walked over.

"A Chinese dress!"

"And he's Chinese! Good choice!"

"Eh heh heh. Thanks."

Mousse, his glasses by side, never noticed his hair wrapping itself into two buns on the side of his head, nor his chest growing heavier until it was on par with his beloved's. Likewise his butt grew larger and rounder, without losing any of its tightness. The new girl's kimono turned into a one piece dress that hugged tightly to her newfound chest, as well as having two splits that showed off her long, toned legs and a tantalizing glimpse of her plain white panties.

"Ah! Aki-chan, don't look!"

"Don't worry. I didn't see anything." Aki said as replaced the blanket. "Now, can I choose the last one? Please?"

"Awww, you're so sweet Aki-chan. Of course you can!"

"Thank you. Now, here I go."

As the boy spoke, Ryoga's fangs began to shrink until they were normal sized, then the rest of the changes took place. Shrinking several sizes, he was soon the same size as Ranma in his girl firm. His hair became soft and shiny, growing a few inches until it reached the base of his neck. His chest began to grow and grow, becoming bigger than any of the others, his butt following suit moments later. His arms and legs grew thin and delicate, his skin losing its tan and turning white. Makeup started to scribble on his face, leaving it the face of a mature woman, while still showing a hint of innocence. Finally his kimono began to bulge and cover his entire body, turning snow-white as it did. A gauzy veil drifted into existence and settled over his face. Finally his bamboo umbrella shrank and wriggled until it morphed into a bouque of white roses.

"It's a bride!"

"Yep."

"Ohhh, Aki-channnnn, you little romantic."

"Hah hah! Well, shall we go?"

"Okay."

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"Um, guys? Is it okay if I come in?" Ranma called softly as he slid open the door. "I just can't handle being on…the…roof…"

As he let out a startled cry that woke the entire inn, Ranma knew, deep in his heart of hearts, that life in Nerima would never be the same.

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If this seems like a terrible piece of work, sorry. I've been put through Hell with that paper. Thank God it's finally done with!

Anyway, tell me what you think. Flames will be blocked with my mirror shield, so Ha! XP

Welp, I'm off to bed! Good night everyone! )


End file.
